Out of my Mind
by xXStarryKitsuneXx
Summary: America was running. Sprinting away. But from what, what was the being that was catching up to him and had the ability, the initiative, to tear him limb from limb? Why was he trapped in the confines of his head? There was only one way to leave this place...and he must muster up the courage to face what he avoided his entire life.


Sprinting. I was sprinting away, trying with a futile attempt to shake off what was inevitable; chasing me, catching up to me with its eyes a piercing red and its fangs sharpened to the tip, ready to desecrate all that I lived for. My lungs burned, choking and threatening to collapse when my necessity for them to function was at its focal point. I tripped over myself, stumbling and wheezing as I managed to keep my balance and continue to avoid what was hurling towards me faster than my eyes could conceive.

"_Run, Alfred, run_!"

As smoke began to fill the darkness I was struggling through, my vision stung and tears dripped down onto my cheeks, the sensation making me howl out in pain. _Who was calling my name?_ I stared ahead into the distance, hearing the best closing in behind me, ready to pounce.

"Keep running! This way! Follow my voice!"

As I was able to see ahead of myself, a bright, clear light was presented to my hollow vision and my heart felt like it was on the cusp of exploding. My breath hitched in my throat as the distance between my haven and I closed; only a few more steps- without having time for reaction my knees buckled beneath my body and I smashed into the ground with a sickening thud. The last sound that came to me before I blacked out was an echo, the voice I registered before...letting out a blood-curdling cry of desperation.

"Alfred? Alfred...wake up."

When I awoke, there was the trace of a faint voice speaking to me. I wasn't quite sure whether it was someone actually talking or a voice created within the confines of my head, but when I was introduced to the feeling of a wet rag on my forehead, it confirmed that I wasn't actually delusional. As I opened my eyes, I was greeted by harsh light, and my head spun as I began to sit up.

"Thank god you're awake. Are you feeling alright?"

As my sight began to focus, I stared at the shaggy blond in front of me. He gazed at me with verdant, bright eyes, his expression a mixture of concern and compassion. He was the voice I heard.

"A-Arthur? Where am I? W-where are we?"

His arms moved behind me to assist in supporting my back, and he sighed softly.

"You don't know where we are? Look around...everything you have ever known is here. As you search through this infinite place of safety, you should realize...you're trapped in your own mind. Everything here is a mirage of your lies. Remember when you fought with your brother and ran away from home to save him from violence? Or when you told me you hated me...so I wouldn't get hurt? This place in your mind is your haven, your web if safety you run to in order to hide from the reality of your actions. The decisions that you made constantly battle here. Everything that you have done, was for a reason. Throughout your life you have lied, cheated, acted as if you hated many people you dearly love. This place is where they all didn't believe you. They saw through your lies, looking at who you really are and what you really wanted to say. Even I see through you, Alfred. This is what you want. And you aren't able to leave. Unless..."

His voice trailed off as he looked up to lock eyes with mine. I swallowed, not sure how to process everything that was just said. _I'm in my mind? _As my own gaze traveled around to see many things and people I was familiar with, I dared to speak.

"Unless...?"

There was another pause from Arthur before his voice rang in my ears.

"You must face yourself."

"W-what? What does that mean? How do I do that? Nothing you have said makes any sense to me!"

As my confusion rose, I began to fidget, my teeth gritting themselves and my fists squeezing tightly.

"The many lies you have used to cover yourself have taken form...and become the beast that you were running from. That monster...is you. Face your lies. That is the only way to save yourself."

My eyes widened in horror as I remembered what had happened before blackness overtook me; that thing that had been chasing me...it was darkness, despair...I felt a heavy pressure in my chest just at the thought of it. And from what Arthur was saying...that darkness...was me. Everyone that I lied to, all of that guilt...I had to face it.

"H-how," My voice squeaked and I cleared my throat, getting the confidence to speak clearly.

"Arthur, how do I do that?"

"Turn around. The door behind you. Beyond it is the deepest depths of your trickery, where I can no longer reach. I am but a personification of your thoughts, a guidance that dwells on the positivity you have left. I cannot help you… this you must do on your own."

He stood, reaching his hand out to grasp mine. I accepted his gesture in earnest, also getting to my feet before letting go of his hand.

"Now go. I will be praying for your recovery." As he turned to show me to the entranceway, he put his hand to his heart, guiding me to the crimson door with a gentle air to his steps. He halted at its side, nodding at me.

"You are ready." _Was I? _I inhaled deeply before reaching for the knob, my fingers grasping it tightly. It was searing hot to the touch. As I pulled it open, I gave one last look at Arthur. My heart clenched at the sight of him.

"Tell my brother...Matthieu, I'm sorry. And Arthur...I'll never hate you. I'll always regret the day I walked out on you and left you alone."

Without turning back, I trekked into the unknown, leaving my safety behind for the last time. As I was surrounded by a void of emptiness, my valor began to waver. I concentrated as much as I could, managing to regain my composure.

"I am here to face the wretched parts of myself! To fight the demon that has misguided me throughout my life!"

My voice boomed out through the dreary black, taking the form of a summon, maybe even a challenge. Seconds, minutes of silence followed before a pair of wide, demonic eyes opened less than a foot away from my face, causing immediate fear to shoot straight the to my heart. There I was. The beast of my flaws let out a wicked grin, saliva trickling down from its mouth as it cast me a knowing look. Its eyes stared straight into mine, screaming at me my mistakes without saying a word. It didn't need to. As it looked into my soul, our soul, the monster clawed at my heart, tearing and shredding at my strength and resolve. I lied to my brother, my best friend, I used them to try to rid of my own misery. I wanted to protect everyone everyone I knew, save them from terrors that could unravel their minds at the seams. Be the hero they could smile to. But what terror was I fighting? What caused me to snap at them and destroy the most precious people, the ones who stuck by the through thick and thin? I was afraid, terrified, that I would harm them. I was trying to save them from no one...but myself. As my mind became paralyzed with realization, I fell to my knees, my eyes brimming with tears as my other half cast me a cruel smile. I was enveloped in silence, the only sounds that were made came from my sobs echoing throughout the dark. It was laughing at me, I could tell. It made no sound, but I knew what it said as it mocked my weakness. Fighting the dark is a battle you cannot win. As the red eyes inched even closer to my face, tears welled in my eyes, threatening to fall onto the ground beneath me. The beast reached out a black, spiny hand, beckoning me to grab it. To join the other side. To give in. Slowly, my hand rose, my thoughts not mattering anymore. I didn't deserve a second chance. As my digits curled to touch its claws, one final tear slipped down my face, dropping onto the dark floor like a feather in the wind. It was time to resign. My early determination had slipped away. As my hand had almost completely grasped my monster's, I muttered what I believed to be my last words. "I'm sorry." What I expected to happen next, to be completely surrounded by my regret and to fade away, didn't. Instead, light began to flood into my confinement, and a bright, warm presence could be felt behind me. First one, then two hands could be felt on my shoulders, the touch comforting and gentle.

"I forgive you."

One presence let go of me to step in front of my demon, facing me head on. My brother.

"M-Mattheiu?"

My voice came out as a whisper. He turned towards my flaws, placing one of his fingers to its heart and offering a soft smile.

"My brother, you have fought yourself for far too long. This evil, this sin, it is time for it to leave."

In a burst of gold light, the red eyed demon disappeared, right before my eyes. As I stared at my brother in acute awe, the other hand on my shoulder left me, and Arthur came around to gaze at me warmly.

"Alfred...I forgive you."

The two of them kneeled in front of me, each taking one of my hands between two of theirs. I was greeted by a warmth, one that filled me with such joy that a smile broke across my face. In response, both Arthur and Matthieu smiled back, their eyes filling with hope.

"Alfred, it is time to start over. We wish you luck. Go, mend your broken pieces. We know you can." Their expressions only became euphoric as Arthur paused to look me in the eye.

"Don't lose hope. All will fit into the puzzle if you look hard enough at the pieces. Now it is time. Wake up."

As everything I saw faded to white, my smile stayed upon my lips. _Maybe it was time to reconnect, to love and show that I care, once again. _

"Everyone has someone that can save them from their regrets. Reach out, speak, take their hand and don't look back until the path you walked on looks just as bright as the path ahead."

Hello there! This was a little story I composed in one night, that I'm actually quite proud of. It's dedicated to the person who took my hand and pushed the grey skies away, even with her own problems at home and in her life. You know who you are, and I can't thank you enough for being there for me! For everyone else, thank you for reading this little fanfic of mine!


End file.
